How to Coach a Dictatorial Leader. By Daniel Goleman

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What made the dictator?

Dr. Siegel said, “As a coach, I would try to get beneath the structure of why this person was that way. We all start life needing to have three S’s that build on a fourth S: First, we need to be seen – our feelings, thoughts, hopes, dreams, longings, our perspective are taken into account and respected by, in this case, the caregiver.

The second is to be soothed. As a baby, when we’re distressed we need connection with a caregiver who sees us, makes sense of what they see, and responds in a timely and effective manner…. Across all cultures, when you have that response, you are soothed.

The third S is safe, being protected from harm, including harm from the caregiver…. When you’re safe, soothed, and seen in a reliable way, you get the fourth S, security.

I wrote a book with Mary Hartzell called Parenting from the Inside Out. It could be easily called “Leading from the Inside Out.” It reviews the science of attachment and allows you to make sense of what happened to you, to liberate yourself from ways you adapted when you were not seen, soothed, safe, secure. Brainstorm is a condensed summary of attachment theory and what you can do to bring someone from non-secure states to secure states of mind. Such non-secure states of mind can make you prone to acting like a dictator in an organization